i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
