At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
