If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
