If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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