Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
