i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
