i think my tv is drunk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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