Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
