i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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