Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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