there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
