Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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