he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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