eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The best revenge is premature balding
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
