Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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