i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
