PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
