Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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