I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
