I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
