he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
