none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
