He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
