All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
