I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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