is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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