I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize