Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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