I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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