I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
