he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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