I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
