everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
