You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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