FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
