i would punch a child for taco bell
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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