hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
