THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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