oh god the rape fog is back!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
