She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
