i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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