I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
