You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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