went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
