Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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