Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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