i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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