I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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