If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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