you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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