i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
