i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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