i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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