Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
