Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
