I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
