dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
