i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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