I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize