Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize