Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
