glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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