my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
