One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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