My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
