I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
