Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
