god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
